Jimmy has made his choice. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. If you dont want a baby use birth control. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. Knock it off. It is duplicated below. And if so, Im ready. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. LW says they were separated for two months. Addie Pray Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. They were broken up so he had no obligation to the LW. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. It takes two to make a baby. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. We dont know that she asked for any money. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. Wow, thank you so much Lili. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Nope. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. Scenario 2. How the heck do you administer THAT?! If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. My Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Before We Started Dating, What I think its dispicable that you would consider re-uniting with a man that thinks his only obligation as a father is financial support. Dont like the consequences? And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right?, And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters.. It is scummy though. April 10, 2012, 6:43 pm. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND! (GONE WRONG) | We Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Or until we decide to start a family.. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. thats just dumb. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Eggzactlee, though I dont burn effigies as we have Spare the Air days in CA. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. evanscr05 And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. female Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. bittergaymark I take it, then, that your position is that a man should never ever have sex unless hes either (a) sterile, or (b) willing to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, but that a woman has those choices but also can opt for an abortion and so can opt out of the obligation of a child. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. It's like she's a completely different person. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde Adoption is a completely different matter. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. Best of luck. Steve Kellmeyer April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. BGM- multiple people disagreeing with you is not necessarily a sign of needless solidarity that makes you sound paranoid. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. They should be used. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. Its a difficult question. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. iseeshiny That wont solve anything. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. Youre wrong. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. He let you go. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! Addie Pray Which is not true. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? But I just don't know anymore. SweetsAndBeats He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? CollegeCat Image Source. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum. Steve Kellmeyer 4. oy. Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Why do you want to be with such a douchenozzle? Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. SweetsAndBeats That is pretty much it. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. Neither one of THEM created a child. iseeshiny If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. Problem. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. John Rohan I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. 5. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A All magically on the pill? He didnt invest in your relationship. Ex-girlfriend Is Pregnant With Her New Boyfriend's Baby As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. Wellyeah. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. Not your body, not your choice. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. Iwannatalktosampson He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. Yes, the woman in question should have been just as involved in making sure she didnt get pregnant as the man. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. SpaceySteph Stuff like this really grinds my gears. You are too funny John. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. Chuck Pelto MOA, ASAP. exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. And it wont be you for very long. I make no exception for men or women. Unbelievable Its very unfair. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. Yes, its not a crime. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. Briana DeJesus: PROOF Her Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Revealed But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. And water. What a laugh. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. ago. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. So deal with that. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. I think the fact that he is angry at this woman for not having an abortion speaks loudly and clearly as to his character. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? Category Convertible. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Really!? As a woman, you have control over that. ColorsOfTheWind Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. They are babies. It just pays. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. I think that is fair. Thats the way it has to be. Thats fd. Do something to not have one! But hes 40?! I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. BACKFIRES! You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. You cant live without food. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Now, the woman could want it and the dude not want it. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. evanscr05 Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. Thats reality. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. and our And without condoms?! Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. So true. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. Malarky. Only the fools. At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.