About 160 yards was his reply. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Drops him off at the golf course! For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. A hole in one of a kind model. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games Bruce Lansky. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! They dont have the heart for it. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Bye Bye Birdie. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. I stepped on a rake.". Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Have fun. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. 3. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Whos there? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Because he walked into the wrong club! How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Do you know why the game is called golf? What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. You need to adjust your grip. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Putter Around. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Dont even putt. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? What is a golfers favorite bird? I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Sawdust City LLC. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Check it out now! You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Damn, girl. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. ", The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. 4. There is no such thing as a natural touch. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. And it's damn funny. Why not! He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Whos there? 9. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Are you a water hazard? My drives aren't always long and straight. I like to go low. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. How do you know you should be a golfer? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Its almost a law. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Golf is more complicated than that. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Required fields are marked *. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. You look like someone who likes to swing. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Fantastic 4-some. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Family Game: Do you really know your Family? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. See you in the Email! All through the night they made wild love together. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Basketball is a sport for black men. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Their expectation, however, is very different. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Try choking donw on the shaft. Why do golfers hate cake? Why did the golfer have to change his socks? On a golf course, nature is neutered. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I give him the driver. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? The means are as important as the ends. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. ~ Victor Hugo. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Watch their eyes. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. The lowest score wins. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Everyday I'm Schauffele. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Correct one fault at a time. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? 1. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory Im the best. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. One minute youre bleeding. I`m really worried about myself. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Sunday Service. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. 3 / 10. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Why dont skeletons play golf? We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. On the Green In Two. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. What did the duck say to the golf ball? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Lee Trevino. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. 8. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Noah who? Why are golf and sex so similar? Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Golf is the easiest game in the world. 8. 4. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Your email address will not be published. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Lift your head and spread your legs. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! I . 3. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? I Am Shuvo Saha. I've got some good news. Do you know what the Lama says? They have a hard drive. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't when we were married," said the pouting wife. I had a hole in nothing. I know what to look for. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. -Happy Gilmore. How many strokes was that? Just in case they get a slice! He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. The battle that raged inside each players head. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Such is the game. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 4. So what are you waiting for? No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Your fifth putt. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. I'll let you beat me. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. 6. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Funny Family Poems. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Very interesting. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Go to the golf course. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Dirty Golf Sayings Jokes - Sports Jokes - Jokes4us.com And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Please sign up with your best email address. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. -Lee Trevino So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Are you looking for some funny jokes? If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Lee Trevino, 59. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. You must remember not to remember to think. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. I never prayed that I would make a putt. It can be rewarding. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. All of them. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Its just really hard to play. First and foremost, you must have confidence. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. 3. Choose What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. clubs. Or under. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. had to choose, right ? "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Chip Shot. 3. There are no absolutes in golf. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world.