Frank, I am so sorry for your losses. We just had his wake today and the memorial service is tomorrow. Which I can NEVER belittle her. Dorinda B Trumbauer February 16, 2019 at 4:36 pm Reply. My heart keeps breaking for those teenage and preteen girls. My 33-yr old son killed himself on November 14, 2018. I miss my brother deeply. My heart is broken and so many questions. I dont say a lot, just listen. Most of all, I cannot shake the feeling that I could have done something, that I could have been more present, more aware, that I should have seen the signs. I will carry his memory in my heart and in my mind for as long as I will be able to, wherever I will go, for the rest of my days. I dont want to be here thinking about it. I woke at around 7 and seen it, thought to myself this was out of character and then seen the heart he posted on facebook. My bf recently lost his twin brother from suicide, he hung himself in a jail cell, we kind of know why he did it but didnt know he had the skill..but my bf for about two weeks now have been having these dreams of his brother screaming his nameScotty Scotty,help me over and over and then Im lost help me and his brother wouldnt have a face at all my bf tried holding him but his brother cant see or hear him hes just wondering aimlessly with his arms out looking and sounding lost. I lost my son to an overdose suicide last year, and while I knew he would eventually succumb to his depression, I was still shocked of course. I hope I find a way or find the will to wait for Gods will. At the week end she sent her partner to buy shopping, and he came home to find her hanging in the bathroom. He is so much more than that to me. He just had better means to do so. They are with us in spirit everyday and I am sure are trying to guide us. ! Then the next page was torn out. I am especially angry with the psychotic medication TV commercials. He developed diabetes from my understanding, Neuropathy in his hands and feet. she had a heart condition, and faced w/ the prospect of a shortened life, and a body she hated, she killed herself. He didnt show any signs prior nor did we see any. When we could finally go back into the STICU he didnt look himself. then i found him in the other room. His body was found and it was discovered hed overdosed. Some even think that she would have take me with her if I was there. Im sorry to hear thatyour story is quite similar to mine although my father left a different wayit was just his 1 yearI was fine for a whilebut now Im lost again. I immediately tried to get him to come back inside and asked him what was wrong. We suspect he was bipolar with psychotic episodes. He was in so much pain. Back to hearing exactly what happened. I cry daily of course hiding it from my family. Yes, its like people are afraid that they will catch something if you share the dastardly news. Him telling me I stole his stuff or was after him to attack or kill him. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt or other feelings until you can let them go. My mom hadnt been able to see my dad. Approximately 90%of those who die by suicide have one or more mental disorders. Its just I miss and love and regret so much now. ?, Alexis January 7, 2020 at 9:30 am Reply. I cant accept any of what he did or why, how much pain he must of been suffering but never showed. Well he did, then got in a heated argument with his new wife, walked out in the back yard and shot himself. My future!!! I guess all the years of her parents breaking her down finally overwhelmed her & all the love & building up we did wasnt enough. I cannot answer your question. Don't get upset at others for not feeling how you feel, or how they deal with things, its their own personal battle. Thank you for your language suggestion. At Christmas, my husband became very anxious and depressed, and he was having difficulty functioning. I NEED PRAYERS ASAP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! We had our adventures. My brother killed my mother and now I fear he'll get out of prison soon I didnt get to see her on Mothers Day and I will regret that and other things probably forever. Leesa Becker January 22, 2019 at 6:41 am Reply. My heart is broken. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting. She also had such a soft sweet voice. She has been gone almost 6 months I cry everyday, I blame myself, I ask why, I relive that night everyday, all my mom and I had were each other, I just cant wrap my head around this, I am so lonely, l am so lost. On the second day it suddenly hit me that to be a young woman between the ages of 12 and 16 and lose your mother to unexpected suicide Isa potentially life-wrecking traumatic event that could potentially affect these children for decades, or longer. No matter what we did. I facilitated and lead my brother to run away from home and kill himself. Sending you all the support for your air travels and an internet hug. He even sent me text messages to say I should pick up. Nobody was there for her. For all its pain and sorrow, life finds a way. After that he made me dinner at my moms house since they were still on good terms and we watched the full Live Aid concert. I have isolated myself, some days getting out of bed is impossible. Seven years ago, I thought the worst possible thing that could ever happen, happened. But what I will say is that the God of the Christian Bible is a God of mercy and compassion, who cared for the sick and the suffering. poor him. My sincerest advice, seek out a good grief therapist if you have not already. My little sister killed herself 10 years ago, she was 20. It has been one month since my brother passed away with only 28 years of life. i dont know how to feel. It is the exclusive club that nobody wants to join. He used cannabis heavily and I suspect other things too. Or that he ever had considered it before. They met there dad the day we buried him. he suffered from schizophrenia. I feel like no matter how many of my friends and family members surround me with their love and healing, nobody truly understands how Im feeling. He was 87. This hurts in so many ways and I am left with questions that I imagine I will never have the answers to. "My younger brother snapped and killed my mother and himself. All rights reserved. All I can say is no matter how you say it, they are both gone and never coming back and I am left here wishing I was with them!! I feel angry that he could do this to us.. It was way more than that. I walked into his apt and found him sprawled on the floor, dead from a massive overdose. A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. Not that I could have prevented his death, because no one could I guess. Neither of them have jobs. My father was an alcoholic and beat him and my mom when we were young. Your children do need you. He had burned my personal belongings with some household items. (This song was placed on the back of his death card.) Which pisses me off. I have worried about her my whole life, supported her, stuck up for her when family called her a druggie, called GPs, tried to engage her in Mental Health, Adult Social Care, Drug and Alcohol services. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, Dawn September 2, 2022 at 7:14 pm Reply, Chris, when I read what you wrote it was as if Im reading something written by my son. Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary. We are still shell shocked. My husband served 20 years defending our country but no help for me now that he is gone. Richard, I am so very sorry for your loss. I just lost my 91 year old mother to an overdose suicide has devastated me, we had a stupid disagreement over supper then in the course of the night she got up and took her pain pills along with her cough syrup with codeine, she lived with me full time for eleven months the quilt laying on my shoulders is terrible, the ER doctor to,d it wasnt my fault but Im full of what ifs, i cant stop crying over her loss I miss her so much, my dad passed away 18 years ago and shes never got over his passing which left her depressed. My father jumped to his death in front of horrified onlookers nearly 20 years ago. Im thinking I should still do that. It feels as if once I start screaming, I am never going to stop. He is dead gone from this life and my heart is broken. Real darkness. What Ive learned in the past year is that ever though life is extremely painful, it is worth living. I feel like Im losing ground and falling into a hole. I commended her for her efforts and told her that mental illness doesnt have to be the end of your road. He doesnt go anywhere without it. I hear that you feel guilty about your friends death, which is normal and okay. I gave myself time and space, and did the grief work. Ive never liked being around guns but for him I didnt think twice. But sometimes I just feel that I am not responsible for others feelings and I am carrying a terrible live. I send prayers to you!!!!!!! As I sit here, my heart is brokenso broken. But even his girlfriend that he lived with had no idea. Please know that intrusive thoughts after a loss are completely normal and okay. At 54, shes dead in her bed, and we dont know why. This is your experience, not theirs. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. I am in this website because I need to know what I can cause if that happens. His wife was going to leave him and told him to do everyone a favor and kill himself. It was the worst night of my life. You can be grateful for the time you spent together AND also mourn your loss. I generally feel like Im in a black hole that I will never get out of. He was 43. He knew he needed to change and he was trying to. I just looked on Google, and they have no record of anyone jumping or thought to have jumped from there for quite a few months. The loss of my fiance last year being even more traumatizing for me, as I had found his body after receiving a text from him telling me what he was about to do. They say others have worse things happen to them, is that helpful ? He had a bright future ahead with a new company he joined and he had no financial worries. Family abuse and belittling spiraled his depression and self-worth into a dark hole. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may be experiencing a remnant of grief, which is a normal part of grieving. I cant see myself ever moving on as it feels Im frozen in that moment finding him and looking for signs of life. ( Thats really a scary thought). But I appreciate the article. He pulled the car antenna from my right eye socket after I fell chasing a kid with it ( by some crazy luck It missed my eye entirely by some small fraction of an inch. )