A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I live by the seaside. Ken Dodd, You know youre getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. Starts: 20:00. A comedians comedian, who else does he admire on the comedy circuit these days? I hear an everyday phrase and think I could muck about with that. Firstly, you should always check that the application youre downloading is freeand its compatible for the platform youre using. If you do gags, you live and die by their quality, so you have to make them good. He has it toad, 31. Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. That is wrong on so many different levels.Tim Vine, I picked up a hitch hiker. Famous in the comedy world for his perfectly formed jokes, how does he craft his gags? A bin lorry, 42. 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Get ready to dive into a rabbit hole of the best jokes in the world - star of Live at the Apollo and sell-out sensation Gary Delaney is back! Man lured to death by 'honeytrap' pair who robbed him of fake Rolex after Instagram plot. 15 of Gary Delaney's funniest one-liners | Live At. As always you can unsubscribe at any time. Ex-Wetherspoons worker shares the dishes he 'never ate' - and would 'always avoid'. I played a wall once. Shes 97 now and we dont know where she is. Ellen DeGeneres, I got a great review this morning. The multiple award-winning stand-up is known for his quick wit and his amazing one-liners - as well as marrying fellow top comic Sarah Millican in 2013. He goes on: Dont speak too fast, stick to your time, do a little pause before the funny bit, dont waffle, fake confidence, hold the mike near your mouth, be polite, and stay in the light. 15 of Gary Delaney's funniest one-liners | Live At. 50. Obviously it wasnt called that, it was advertised as a School Reunion. 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes She also had a stint working for Scottish Opera and even met Queen Elizabeth II. 'Tis the season to be jollyand now a survey of 2000 people has created a list of our 50 top cracker jokes . 31 minutes of best one-liners. Fairground for adults to open in Glasgow with themed games and selection of cocktails. Retired detective Allan Jones claims Sinclair should have been tried for the murders Anna Kenny, Hilda McAuley and Agnes Cooney. It's a couple of minutes longer than the standard TV version, thought interestingly there's also half a dozen jokes they cut, which I'll stitch together and add in a new video soon. Joke book 'Pundamentalist' out too. gary delaney one liners 2019 gary delaney one liners 2019 Martin Boyle reveals sick Hibs injury trolls after World Cup heartbreak but vows to use online gremlins as motivation. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Wine Sipping Elitist. BBC Comedy - Nine minutes of one liners from Gary Delaney | Live At The Apollo Log In I hate necks.". | By BBC Comedy Okay guys, this is epic. All rights reserved. | By BBC Comedy Facebook Log In Watch Home Live Shows Explore More Home Live Shows Explore Nine minutes of one liners from Gary Delaney | Live At The Apollo Like Comment Share 217K 25K comments 51M views 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused. We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. ' Alan Carr, The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre signing somebodys cast. Demetri Martin, I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldnt find any. Tommy Cooper, My wife its difficult to say what she does. Gary Delaney is a razor sharp one-liner comedian, widely regarded as being the most quotable comic on the circuit. One is really heavy, the other is a little lighterMasai Graham, Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. Emergency services raced to Leith Walk around 9.30am after a 50-year-old man was attacked outside a former Cash Converters. - Jimmy Carr. Just hope I can pull it off. William Andrews, Why are they calling it Brexit when they could be calling it The Great British Break Off? Alex Edelman, Words cant express how much I hate World Emoji Day. Christian Talbot, Someone stole my antidepressants. Never Explain! Sorry, thats my motto. Chris Turner, I remember doing security at the Brits a few years back when it all kicked off between Steps and Jamiroquai. His wisecracks are so daft and occasionally clever that it is impossible not to laugh, and you stand a realistic chance of pulling a muscle in your side. I realised that . *. King of one-liners Gary Delaney to return to Aberdeen What do you sing a snowmans birthday party? He got 25 days, 39. It takes so much effort to get an hour together of tightly written one-liners and Gary always delivers." My girlfriend's dog died and to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. His style of humour is one-liners involving puns. Not so long ago the former kids television presenter was forced to deny he was Banksy. If you push that down and twist it, hes full of sweets. Sean Lock, My problem with The Grand Canyon is Americans are too proud of it for my liking. 3 minutes no repeats. Episode #11.9: Directed by Geraldine Dowd. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick. Andrew Lawrence, A man walks into a chemists and says: Can I have a bar of soap, please? The chemist says: Do you want it scented? And the man says: No, Ill take it with me now. Ronnie Barker, Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my doors always open. Paul F. Taylor, People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. Abi Roberts, I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. . . Make It Quick: The Art of the One-liner | PopMatters 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips But he wasnt involved in the fighting. 9 minutes of Oneliners. 4. day in the life katylee. All the usual places for the UK, use www.bookdepository.com for international orders as Amazon are super sloooooowww. No one else can deliver jokes at such volume and velocity nor with such scatter gun abandon. A mince spy (below left) 2. Get ready to dive into a rabbit hole of the best jokes in the world - star of Live at the Apollo and sell-out sensation Gary Delaney is back! totalling 3,600 . 3.8K Likes, 34 Comments. "Normally you have news, weather and travel. Nine minutes of one liners from Gary Delaney | Live At The Apollo | Just nine minutes of solid gold one liners from Gary Delaney! The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast. Jamie Oliver shares little-known step for making extra crispy roast potatoes. This event is for 16 and over - No refunds . Ludacris) Missy Elliott 00:30 687 One-Liners (Loneliness) Heidi Foss 01:00 0 One Minute Study Music & Sounds & Deep Sleep & Yoga Workout Music 01:00 844 Outside NINEONE# 00:32 507 One Minute Song Ameen Taahir Russian dolls are so full of themselves. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? I said: I want to make a complaint this vinegars got lumps in it. He said: Those are pickled onions. Tim Vine, My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off. Milton Jones, I moved to a well-to-do area. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said Parking Fine. So that was nice. Tim Vine, Money cant buy you happiness? Wrap, 35. I guess theres no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. Jerry Seinfeld, My star sign is Pyrex. Gary Delaney one-liners in Brighton 2016 from my. Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you - linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyallstarsBecome a YouTube member to access all live streams. It got tens of millions of views on Facebook and doesn't seem to be on youtube at all so I'm adding it now. contact the editor here. Ive just bought Spider-Man pyjamas. Yes. Damien Slash, I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone. Jordan Brookes, Im going to donate my body to science, and keep my Dad happy he always wanted me to go to medical school. Lee Mack, A sandwich walks into a bar. Expand this out to the impact on workers and lots more people will be working from home. I thought: This could be interesting. Paddy Lennox, If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths? Dara OBriain, Ive always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Billy Connolly, You cant lose a homing pigeon. Nine minutes of one liners from Gary Delaney | Live At The Apollo | The last time I did something for 9 minutes it wasn't nearly as funny as this. Get the latest top news stories sent straight to your inbox with our daily newsletter. Hot Water Comedy All Stars is now on a UK tour coming to a city near you - linktr.ee/hotwatercomedyallstarsBecome a YouTube member to access all live streams and exclusive extra weekly podcast episodes at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG1QXvv8CME3I6yts0IevTA/join YouTube members can now LIVE STREAM all of our regular Hot Water Comedy Club shows with over 10 stand up shows every single week streaming LIVE from the world famous Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool. Light travels faster than sound, which is . Also live is more fun as its in the moment. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners 17. . Gary Delaney 48K subscribers Subscribe 699K views 2 years ago EVENTIM APOLLO Tour: Gary. TikTok video from Funny Beeseness (@funnybeeseness): "Dark one liners from the brilliant Gary Delaney!#joke #jokes #darkhumour #oneliners # . So I always want as many people to see it as possible. 22. snappy one liners. Tributes paid to 'formidable' Scots community stalwart who lost battle with cancer. 25 Feb/23. [1] 689.093 views 1 year ago. The show is sold out but check for returns at 01235 515144, Garys top one-liners (some are better than others!). 60 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that really deserved to win Funniest Joke A Sony and Chortle Award winner, he repeatedly takes the Edinburgh Festival Fringe by storm and his jokes have twice made Daves Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe. 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners Music Is A Weapon | Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In | George. 25 of Rik Mayalls greatest quotes gary delaney kisses on texts. Doors Open: 19:00. It's kind of weird seeing r/jokes posts for the next 6 months condensed down in to a single 9 minute video. Whats the most popular Christmas wine? A hack for creating more space in the dishwasher has left people on social media were gobsmacked. Guardian's Allowance weekly payments are also rising in April. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily.'" 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes First 2 tours now on YouTube. We cant even afford a garden, so when my wife bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Rice is great when youre hungry and you want 2,000 of something. Mitch Hedberg, If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, youre just late. Joel Dommett, My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. Steven Wright, Id like to start with the chimney jokes Ive got a stack of them. A Gannett Company. And that's just in the hot dogs.". [Lock down Special] 101 Funny One Liners. Subscribe: ht. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" Paddy Lennox "I'm sure. Gary, Indiana: Gary is a city in Lake County, Indiana, United States, 25 miles (40 km) from downtown Chicago, Illinois . What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? Shouldve been called Look Whos Hawking, thats my only criticism James Acaster, Ive written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldnt fit it into my set.Masai Graham, I wanted to do a show about feminism. Oddly enough it's feminists, One of the UK's smallest towns has an award-winning pub and England's oldest fishing society, Where to get Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB and when Ken Bruce starts, The golden health rules GPs live by, including why you should ditch your weekend lie-ins, The Government delay of the Pensions Dashboard may well cost you tens of thousands of pounds, 'The man is a narcissist': Tories despair as 'bully' Boris Johnson threatens Sunak's new start, Government WhatsApp decision-making threatens 'accountability', warns Information Commissioner, David Attenborough reportedly giving up on-location filming for documentaries after new series, Prince Harry says smoking marijuana 'helped him mentally' in live TV interview, Government set to introduce new powers to crack down on small boat crossings next week, Do not sell or share my personal information. Wellington boots? Billy Connolly, I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. Whats the point?Alexei Sayle, Im looking for the girl next door type. And dont apologise, ever. We also may change the frequency you receive our emails from us in order to keep you up to date and give you the best relevant information possible. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes 50 percent of people who go to watch The Cure actually end up watching Placebo, and enjoy it just as much. Tour dates: www.garydelaney.comThis video is all the one-liners from my first special (Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013) that I never used on Mock the Week or . I thought it was quite a clever title, but quite a few times Ive turned up at venues and seen that my posters have been have graffitied to say Ginsters Paradise instead. 5:09. His gags often appear on Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe lists; in fact he's the only comedian to ever. I hope he likes them. Freeze a jolly good fellow, 25. Lanterns lit in memory of tragic Scots girl, 5, seen from plane by family flying home. Oddly enough it's feminists, One of the UK's smallest towns has an award-winning pub and England's oldest fishing society, Where to get Greatest Hits Radio on FM and DAB and when Ken Bruce starts, The golden health rules GPs live by, including why you should ditch your weekend lie-ins, The Government delay of the Pensions Dashboard may well cost you tens of thousands of pounds, 'The man is a narcissist': Tories despair as 'bully' Boris Johnson threatens Sunak's new start, Government WhatsApp decision-making threatens 'accountability', warns Information Commissioner, David Attenborough reportedly giving up on-location filming for documentaries after new series, Prince Harry says smoking marijuana 'helped him mentally' in live TV interview, Government set to introduce new powers to crack down on small boat crossings next week, Do not sell or share my personal information.