Even when I knew I didnt do anything, I got blame for it. Youre an excellent father and she should be happy to have you. Contact a lawyer, or find a friend who knows one. But the reality is, I dont want to move to the next phase of what do I do if he doesnt. So just like you want to be loved and cared for, he wants the same thing. Apparently, they had worked together at his previous location and she lived in our new location and worked in an adjacent area. If he doesnt respond to ONE request, then get an annulment and move on. We have been together for 9 no kids (thank God) she was my first love for everything, but things didnt work, and now she say she sees me like a friend to do the same. Hi Jon I am so hurt. Feel like Im ready to give up. I still believe I was doing the right thing, but for the wrong person. He acts like nothing is wrong, asks me to go hang with them etc. He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . I wrote u because I feel your pain. I have found pills over and over hidden in her car before she totaled it . I am completely devastated, I love her so much, and we have two children together. They lost a mom too it sounds. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. I think its horrid because they are not educated and working as a medical professional in the industry they are giving really bad advice. My wife denies it. It does get easier, I promise. Its all I can think about and its eating away at me. She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. Then one night he did not come home until 5:30am. Sounds familiar except mine was emotional abuse, yip, happened to me too, thank g i kept postponing the wedding date or id be stuck in an abusive marriage with a traumatized kid. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Dear Tim Usually it is a combination of both, dont you think? My fianc and I live far away from each other and maybe see each other every other weekend. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. She said that she is tired of faking it. We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. I have worked my butt off to be well. I was,filled with hope. "No!". Thank god they all turned out well. I dont have anyone to talk to. You knew I would beg at your feet. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. Remember that people fall in and out of love all the time, and you probably dont want to be with someone who doesnt love you deeply anyway. we were so in love and always affectionate when he was home.I am just also so devestated for my son he said he isnt gonna see him anymore he doesnt wanna drag it out but my he always loved my son so much and my son doesnt even remember life without him so he is very sad. Im trying to take it one day at s time but the anxiety is tough I keep ruminating and worrying about the future.i just keep telling myself for now its hard but Ive got to keep it together for my kids, Hi I know how you feel Matt, im so sorry for you. Hey guys:) go to church! Any suggestions please. Then,Christmas came around, and he started acting like the kids do not need anything, so, its time they learned disappointment. So, if you want to give your marriage another chance,watch his simple and genuine video here. I dropped the kids off with her mom on Sunday who had made that arrangement so to avoid me. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. Anyway, good luck & I wish you the best. SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. They systematically destroyed this beautiful life we created and threw out everything I was again with my kids watching. everyday i see her in college she will be busy with someother boys so kindly assist me, how to move on without her. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. I know it will all get better over time I just worry about how much damage this is doing to the kids. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. If you loved me he wouldnt of left me. I dont think he loves me anymore. Sign the SBP, 10 yr rule for half his retirement and get your cs and alimony. I cry all the time. Going through the same this year. There isnt anything you can do to change the past and make him stay with you. I would cry all night just waiting for a hug. She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. Youll be ok. I have no respect. We spoke a lot he told me he had met someone else but it meant nothing to him apparently. This is not a mistake a mistake is backing your car into a bollard or something similar. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. They dont even have to contain a mother or father, they could be aunts, uncles, your step-family or even friends. Drugs and cheating were problems in the past. I lived in a very small town and very remote area in California. Please help? Yet she is cold. I wanted to make him happy so, i said i would move to where his family lived so, we would have family and we were supposed to have a better life. So from experience, I know how emotionally tolling that is on your wife. That we can t communicate, you werent there for me, we never had it right, every excuse in the book isnt flying with me. Of course, you work. If you are Christian, pray for there be justice n conviction lay upon your wife heart n soul n she will come to realization her mistake as she will not receive happiness by doing wrong to others. Glantz MJ, et al. Thanks I feel betrayed n disappointed. With no signs no reason why just said he had to go he had to do it. Im having problems inmy marriage righy now. ..u have given me strength. It sounds life a lot of work, but its not. She saw no reason to be together and attempted no solution to work it out. Any time i try to talk to her to tell her the pain I am going thru being apart from my kids and missing her but she gets upset then she blocks my phone and texts. I hope she stays safe from this very dangerous man. All the sudden a the end of the 30 days, he wanted to come home and go to counseling. there never will be. Its awful to feel rejected. 3) Be patient with your husband and his remorse. I dont doubt she cares for you, but you cannot have your cake and eat it too. When he did come home, often after 9 months abroad, he would turn his back on me in bed . If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts. I genuinely believe she has and will continue to put the children in even remote danger by having what I would consider strangers move into their place. Scharnett-King warns this rarely works out. Its up to you whether you can see them through. Well, a year and a half ago he announced he needed a separation for 30-days and walked out on us in the middle of the night. Meanwhile he wanted to go out with his friends after work and have few drinks. I work part time supporting in a school. So I do understand what I am going through and why. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. we had so many deep relationship but when he came to know my past two mistakes he is trying to leave me and now he has relationship with different girls n even told to leave him but I cant I really dont know what to do I really love him from da deep of my heart n I cant let him go any suggestion plizzz, hi im paul married for 5 yrs we have 2 kids. I feel for you. I have kept in touch with her help her financially and tried my hardest to help the situation between the kids and her all to no avail . For me Im hoping we can get back to normal but there is some doubt. I dont feel like I can go on without her. It's called anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure or interest in anything. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. we just chose our own path & wonder why 2 sinners cant make it together. 1. However we were married 7 years together for 16, and 3 kids My husband found someone 11 years younger and left me 8 weeks after meeting her!! He blames everything on me told his brother that I made his daughter hate him. Me finding pills over and over hidden in her car. Tha t is my hope and prayer. My honey told me I am not happy, I am idiot & I am leaving you I have known that she was his 1st true love but its hard to believe that he threw away everything we had for her. He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. I was sick but it didnt matter. Hey there all. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. Just be true to yourself. 3. He said he found a small house in our town and just needs time. He called my 93 year old mother and told her he threw me out!! And you cant necessary believe everything she says. Obviously, you wanted to marry him/her and you knew that marriage was tough. You will meet someone who treats you right and then you will forget all about him. Its a behavioral condition Something. What felt worse is that he left after he found out that I was pregnant with his second child. I had no idea she had been this unhappy for such a long time. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything in the world I dont think youll ever realize what kind of devastation caused our family. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? Really just venting now and it does help. I always made a big deal out of xmas for each other, the tree, silly stuff. Didnt know our kids friends girlfriends or boyfriends. What about when he abandons you because you wont be his beard anymore? He did not handle all of it well and went behind my back and hired an attorney, took a large amount of money out of our savings and then a couple months later filed for divorce, all while living with me and our family, going to counseling and being intimate with me. Why hasnt society caught up with that? Well then I would follow up at the dirt cheap stores where she was getting this butane from and I was able to get identification that she was still purchasing this stuff. Then we play/claim victim. 8. I had no clue what was going on behind my back. My husband left me citing this as the only reason. I thought to myself what the fk? We started counseling and the counselor, who he choose, told him he was focused on the wrong things and needed to work on re-connecting with me. I think the worst part is I feel like Ive had my heart ripped out with no closure, as I was left no explanation to her leaving, and pieced over the night that she hadnt been being honest with me about what she had been doing, who shes been seeing etc. I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. It aint that easy. When everyone had left he told me how much he loved me , how proud he was of me. You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment. I have seen these kinds of marriages turn around, but I have also seen many where the damage of trust is too great to overcome. The more you attempt to this the farther you push your spouse toward what the evil wanted to begin with, loneliness, despair, and hurt. She claims to have been feeling this way for a year, but what hurts is that she not only didnt tell me, but she has used all 5 of those reasons listed. I have just seen her going into the guys house that she had the affair with.. Hi my name is Matt. Your partner must understand that they cannot resort to breaking up every time they're feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges. When its over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. I have not name called him once during the whole 6 weeks it took him to leave. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. Two blows in one go. Photo, Ondine Corewijn/Stocksy. The sadness consumed me like an angry fire I couldnt put out. He speaks animal suffering communication with dead he has completed changed. After she moved out I found out she was in a realationship with another man my wife had many affairs I tried to work things out but they just didnt stop this was the 2nd on in less than 2 yes not sure how to feel right now It is so hard I cant seem to grasp how she can move on so quickly. Then in 2014 it got really bad . I am devastated as only a few month ago we celebrated valentines day He got me a ipad3 took me to a nice hotel bed and bathroom full of rose paddles. I was devastated. When your partner is depressed it may be very difficult to get clarity on this. A cheater will only admit to what they think you already know and usually they wont divulge all the details. He doesnt pay his child support of 17 dollars a week, yet shows up at house with brand new shoes on his feet and new clothes on his body. Im guessing she made up some bullcrap to try to justify it because no one is talking to me and yet my daughter and I are the victims of this shitstorm. As for me, i dont want to be in the same time zone as my estranged wife And when the kids are both out of the house, I fully intend to leave the continent. I feel used and devastated this is one of the toughest time in my life. Wed been having problems. She feels like a bad person who cannot be forgiven for leaving her family. Also, start shopping for insurance now. As far as how your feeling, its the worst. .. Its just awful. I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. 4. I took very care for her than I took for anybody else. Her loss. Yet I feel like he checked out and all I did was serve him, and his needs, but felt like he wasnt there for me. Just because she knew need her health insurance doesnt mean she entitled your settlement. And most importantly, they have the ability to be themselves and to own all the happiness that they deserve. I read It goes back to their childhood when they were never held accountable for their actions and would lie and cover up rather than be chastised by their parents one of which was probably narcissistic too . Go to the gym to tske out your anger, watch movies to get out of your painful world for awhile. You will be fine in the long run but make him be financially responsible for you and your son and make sure you can get counseling to help you both. Cant sleep without sleeping pills or wine. Hi I am going through this as we speak. Sorry this might not be what you want to hear but you have to think of your self do not sacrifice yourself fill yourself up love yourself hold your These are really dated terms. So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. Then we came home talked more and again neither of us made a move towards the other. 2. He says she cant stop him seeing me but I think she will. Its been a year and i havent moved on and i try so hard.ive had therapy. I told her actions speak louder than words and ur refusing to talk but abandoning me to leave the state. My son is in the same school as this womans daughter and my husband has already been talking to this woman about the kids being step-siblings. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. I truly dont know what to do. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. I have 2 ds and am left absolutely distraught. Inner wisdom can move you forward. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. I want to be his wife and be with him always and he just left. I got his phone and looked for her name. The unfortunate truth is unless two people are willing to work on a marriage it will never work. She has been seeing someone for depression, but therapist seemed geared more towards providing affirmation to affluent clients than identifying and treating the more important clinical issues. I have to live at home with my parents to get rid of all the debt I incurred through the attorney fees and EVERY bill being in my name while married. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. He moved his girlfriend in right after he did this. Yup its called life. He sent me a long message to me apologising . I am now literally in a living hell. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? Someone please help I feel like dying inside but I dont want to loose him I am in pain cant stop crying . My wife told me we had to go to artiste counseling. I love my wife so badly that shes been my go to person for anything in my life. Most likely you fell out of love because you decided to stop loving your partner or you decided that you loved someone or something else even more. I asked him to leave her alone. Im sorry but she has a mind of her own and can make her own mind. Thank you so much. After finally loosing respect for him I no longer feel the pain. No one else will ever understand my journey or experience, because it does not sound right or possible, but it happened. My husband from the time they were little. Straamy2 where are you from? I in turn joined a gym and got into shape and worked on the house Then my wife was charged with felonies 2 for fraud and 1 for forgery.. in 2015 she switch to alcohol now she has driven me and our kids out of the house to my parents I am biblical and believe I cannot get a divorce because what the Bible says. Everytime there is a family outing with his family he always picks on me for the smallest thing, it always gets blown out of proportion and I dont end up going. ah, someone wasnt paying attention at the beginning of the Now, your one and only is gone and you're left sitting wondering where everything went wrong and why he left. We have a 5yr old a 2yr old and a 4 week old. Dont want to share this with anyone hoping he will see sense. Youre not the one on Psych meds, youll be fine. Top 5 Reasons a Partner Leaves (and How to Cope). In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. Take care. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. When it doesnt hurt anymore and you find your partners actions pathetic . She was drugged up on pills again . And they spoke to their daughter over phone. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. Recently, my wife left me. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. We had a great time but never had sex. Im not sure, I was available to him for conversation,I very rarely went out because I work multiple jobs simultaneously, take care of the kids and the house. I know it sounds stupid but I am still so in love with him and so upset Im still hoping he will come back this time. Why put everybody through all this again if you cant be bothered to truly try and put in effort. My husband for 8 months blame everuthing in our marriage even though I was faithful every single deployment and training. I believe it is due to her sickness as we were two peas in a pod for the last 19 years. And the same is true of your new companion. Dont be a victim . You could emagine how I felt like someone ripped my heart out.I started telling him how can you go back after every thing that I have been nothing but loyal to him. Let go of the self-blame. Because of his looks people often say he's punching or ask him how he pulled me because I am a low profile runway model and I'd say I'm pretty conventionally attractive. Then last weekend everything changed . Please help me with the divorce decision please. If you dont nurture your marriage it will wither and die. Depressed partners regret leaving very often, yes, but it should not be a pattern. I cant understand why they arent questioning this. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. While cutting your hair may be regrettable, more harmful decisions may result in challenges down the road, such as substance misuse. I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. It isnt the first and foremost thing on my mind all day all night, every day every night! Falling out of love in a marriage happens over time and is usually due to neglect on the part of one or both partners. The mediator couldnt understand why we were getting divorced. Even though I dont know you, I want you to know that I am praying for you. So I told her last week this crap isnt right and if she wants to be single every weekend than I cant be there at all and we will be zero contact at all. But the two most common triggers of severe dog depression are the loss of a companion animal or the loss of an owner. He sent the email are u serious?? I have been divorced for 9 months. I had two children who needs to complete their dreams. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. I am pretty sure both girls will elect to come live with me soon. How he just had a change of heart with no care in the world. I do love my husband. me and he had promised he would love me forever. . And got into dark goth vampire stuff.she told me it was all just a joke. absolutely the truth you cant endure such a tremendous heart ache without the love of Jesus and fully relying on his help to know Christ is the greatest gift on this earth in spite of all of our heartaches and trials and tribulations my husband left me in October of 2014 without of word took all of our money the car is everything personal belongings everything I came home to nothing and I dont care about the the world of goods my heart ached so terriblyworse than a death (my son died) pure disasterunable to withstand the pain in my heart although I was saved I guess I wasnt fully trusting the Lord at that moment I went outside of my secluded house in the middle of cornfields to hang myself and I took pills a lot (prescription) and I drank a bottle of whiskey in one drink I should have clearly died but did not! We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. I asked her to leave after smashing a coffee cup and a lamp. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Then I found out she was getting more meds from a dentist at times . Instead of focusing on yourself, try to understand what is behind his decision. We share same breathe. Write to Family Life, The Guardian . He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed Well. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. Not only might you be facing the typical pain associated with a relationship ending, the situation can feel surreal with all of the: Both parties typically see a breakup coming when a relationship goes through a sustained period of conflict or rockiness. But partner abandonment or even an abrupt end to an affair, occurs without warning real or perceived. They often feel offended by what they perceive as a general insensitivity to their "needs." As a result, they're . Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself. It sounds like she just couldnt take the build up emotionally anymore, but that can be fixable. Where r u? thanks cassieD.I still call her every day just to hear her voice.I am waiting on a settlement from injuries that i received at work,Which i cannot return to because of the extent of them.She agreed to not seek lawyers or Divorce until my settlement comes through.I am still on her Ins.I also need my knees totally replaced.She agreed to wait until the settlement.I dont know i am so naive and blind.I dont want to think that she is going to take my settlement also.Maby thats why she is waiting to get the big D word until after she knows what the money will be. They dont say how to handle the part before Im ok cause Im not ok. And, I do have a shrink for a totally different personal issue, but she just had a baby. All that matters to him was his daughters I dont blame him after not being. If you have low self-esteem, your man might lose respect for you and feel like he doesnt honor you anymore. this is two months of my ugly experience. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. Hang in there, Remember its not you at all, its him!!!! I was lost. It was a mess As I always did I cooked cleaned laundry took care of kids was involved etc . Never asked how I was, if I am okay, nothing. Wonderful husband. This is beautifully written. It makes it easier to reach this point again. She never wanted to make it more difficult then it already was for her children. Like Ive said before and still need to remind myself: you dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. And you can also earn back their trust by showing them that you can change. The exact same thing happened to me! article. Before she left, we both confessed to each other that we felt more connected, more married if you will to each other then either of us ever did to our spouses. I didnt like the use of pronouns on this articlehe feels unappreciated, she met someone else, he doesnt love you anymore. *the relationship feels like too much work. I know he hurt you really badly and broke your heart, but that doesnt mean that he cant fix it. In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. And it may never happen. We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. They CAN modify with proper treatment and overcome IF they are willing to work their treatment regime. You are going through a wife abandonment situation when your husband suddenly leaves; without notice, without discussion, he's just gone. It's OK To Fake It A Little After Your Husband Leaves. Im just curious.I am 50 and I live in Illinois.. CassieD.Thanks,The problem is that she takes care of the bills,so she would know what i spent it for.And we both agreed to wait until my settlement before we decided the next step on what to do with the finances.I told her that I need her Ins to get my knee replaced and she said that is fine .I am almost at my wits end with all of this confusion and fright and pain. Im currently very ill as well, as she knows, and her move last night was in my view, completely cold blooded and merciless. Its awful.